I mentioned in my last post (which seems like forever ago now that I have an actual paying job that takes up a lot of my time) that I would touch upon a subject that didn't really affect me very much when I was younger, but now that I have a stepson and he has cousins in the middle school age range, I feel the need to vent a little....OK, a LOT. This is a gift to an old friend of mine, Melanie, who specifically requested that I follow up on this, and as I was planning on it anyway, I thought I'd do her a solid. Here you go, Mel.
My stepson Wyatt is now 13 years old. He is in the 7th grade at Highland Middle School, and as such, is now subjected to the unavoidable middle school phenomenon of "GOING OUT". This seems to be a much bigger deal for middle school girls than it does for boys, but I digress...more on that a little bit later. I want to touch on the actual term "GOING OUT."
I will fully admit that in middle school, basically all the way up to my sophomore year in high school, puberty was not kind to me. I had terrible skin, was skinny, and other than hockey, my only discernible talent was playing trumpet for the school band. Stevie Wonder could see that this recipe did not lead to a whole lot of relationships with the fairer gender. I had my first serious girlfriend my junior year of high school. I certainly was INTERESTED in girls before then, but nothing ever came of any of my interests - mostly because I was too shy to act upon them. I seem to remember a few instances of people "going out" in jr. high (there was no middle school back in the dark ages of the mid 80's), but for the most part, I don't EVER remember it being like now. Wyatt just recently had his first true "relationship" (which in middle school time means anything more than 7 days) end. This girl originally called him ON HIS BIRTHDAY to "break up" with him. He was understandably upset. More on this later....
The whole term "GOING OUT", when taken literally, means that one person actually goes out and does something in a public place with someone else, does it not? When I was in high school, and I was "going out" with my first serious girlfriend, she would go to my hockey games with me, we went to concerts, movies, things like that. In middle school, "GOING OUT" apparently translates to walking in the hallways or possibly meeting at a school dance. Wyatt did take his little miserable troll who broke up with him ON HIS BIRTHDAY (did I mention that already?) on a sort of "date" where Janel and I chaperoned them along with Cole and Emily to the ice rink to go public skating, but that was really the extent of their "going out" - I guess she did go to two of his hockey games also, now that I think about it.
The whole point of this rant is that I know of middle schoolers, 99% of which are girls, who have "GONE OUT" with the better part of 15 - 20 people since school started 5 MONTHS AGO, like it's a status symbol. Oh trust me - it's a status symbol alright as you get older, but not one that any girl wants to get pegged with (ask Melvin the Superhero from Jeff Dunham what he calls them..."What's a Wahore?"). It does seem to me that it is WAY more important to the girls than it is to the boys, and I am really curious as to why that is. Marriage statistics being what they are in this country should prove that any girl doesn't need to be attached to a man to determine her self worth, as I know many divorced women who are strong, independent people who, while they enjoy the company of someone, do not necessarily LIVE for it.
As you get older, there are unwritten rules about who you should or shouldn't date (like for men, NEVER date a best friend's ex, even if you want to, because of the old "Bros before Hos" adage - which I hate that term, but it does make me laugh in a Dr. Seuss meets Snoop Dogg kind of way). I can't imagine that these rules exist in middle school - if they did, there would be a lot less fighting about it. I think for these middle schoolers, it's more about the label of "GOING OUT" with someone than actually having any feelings for them, because in reality, where are you going? At 13, is this boy picking you up on the weekend and taking you to lunch, or a movie, or anyplace in a public setting? Or are you just sending text messages back and forth professing "undying love" until 14 days later when some other boy buys a new shirt that makes him look cuter than your current boyfriend? Is it worth the hassle?
If I was a middle school administrator, I would seriously consider invoking some sort of rule against the label of "GOING OUT". I just don't see where anything good comes of it at that age. When Wyatt had his girlfriend, his school work suffered terribly, and just now is he taking the steps to catch up on it. Of course, I told him he should lay low for a while on that front to improve his school work, but because of pressure from his friends (mostly his female friends again), he apparently is "going out" with another new girl - who we have never met because he hasn't really "gone out" anywhere with her.
I'm expecting a ton of opinions on this, some good, some bad - so fire away! ALL OPINIONS ARE WELCOMED AND RESPECTED! If you don't agree with me, that's beautiful - that's how meaningful discussions start that can usually lead to an agreement somewhere in the middle. Remember, this is "No Filter Required" - so your responses do not have to be filtered either!!
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