A while back I was having some writer's block and asked for suggestions for ideas, and I promised that every one would be attempted if I could make anything out of them. One of my most loyal readers, Lauren (I'm not typing that hyphenated thing again!) has a beautiful little boy named Jack who is now 14 months old, and her and her husband Jay, who I hope to meet one day, are first time parents. Therefore, if they are like I was when Emily was born, they are COMPLETELY clueless on a day to day basis, scared to death that their kid will have them on Maury someday talking about how they screwed up his life, and are loving every minute of it.
I was lucky - I had a little practice on my stepson Cole when he was little. I knew how to change diapers and feed kids and all that, but when Emily came, it was all new. Changing diapers on a girl is different than on a boy - boys can hit you square in the face if a chill hits them. Girls need to be cleaned more thoroughly. Did you know the parts were different?
Jack is walking now - and when Emily started, she went from crawl to sprint. Apparently, Jack is trying to talk now. When we were working with Emily, her first word was "Daddy" (which Janel can NEVER take away from me! I RULE!), but we also made sure we taught her other important words like "Please", "Thank You", "Love you," and more practical words like "Hot", "No", "Easy". and the rest she picked up on her own. I thought it was important to instill her "kind words" like please and thank you, and to this day, she uses them more than most kids.
They have tempers at that age too. I am not one who tolerates screaming very well, but somehow, you learn. If a toddler doesn't get their way, I learned you can't just give into them all the time, even though you may want to for many reasons, such as love, or the need for quiet. You learn the difference between anger crying, pain crying, and over-tired crying. I don't know how, but you can just hear the difference.
I am a firm believer in hugging and holding, especially for the father. Mommy had the baby inside for all that time, so they have that innate bond. I talked to Emily in the womb, sang to her, and I am convinced that when she was born, when she heard my voice the first time, she looked for me. I did ALL the evening feedings (if you're not nursing, that's MUCH easier for the Daddy to do!) That was my bonding time. I fed her, held her until she was back to sleep, held her for about 5 minutes more, ALWAYS kissed her head before I put her back in her crib, and to this day, Emily is not shy or embarrassed about hugging or kissing Daddy. I think kids need that "I'm loved enough to know that he won't let ANYTHING happen to me if he can help it" feeling.
You learn how to be firm but still be loving. I never talked baby talk to her - she won't talk baby talk now because I talked to her like a little person, not a baby. Her speech is excellent because of it.
I can't say I have all the answers - I may have just gotten lucky. Hell, they say if you put 1000 monkeys in front of typewriters, eventually one of them will type Shakespeare. My advice is - don't get too much advice. Do what feels right - we were all kids before, and we know what worked for us. Just be there for them - the world is a scary place, and they will be out in it before you know it. Emily will be 7 next week - it seems like tomorrow will come, and she'll be 17, wanting the keys to the car.
Enjoy being a parent. If you like it, even on days where it feels like a pain in the ass, it makes it much easier. Janel has always encouraged the kids to have their opinions about things. Respect that, even if at that point, you don't really care what their opinion is. I had to learn that.
Lauren, I hope this helps. Thank you for your suggestion, and Thanks as well for your continuing support. Please share my blog with people you know - tell your friends to click on it. The more readers the better. Comments as always are welcome here or on Facebook.
Jamie - your suggestion is next. In the meantime, I must go make lunch for two kids on a snow day. Bill's famous Grilled Cheese Sammiches coming up!
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